You seem older

Blake has been waking up in the middle of the night lately. I'd let him "cry it out" but he makes this piercing scream, and I feel bad for Sadie, Owen, and Tim. Normally, it just takes a little hug and part of a bottle to calm him back down, but the whole thing is confusing to me. He's not teething, he's eating plenty, and he's not sick. I don't understand why he's waking up. But, I secretly like that middle of the night time I'm getting with him. With twins, there's not much time for one on one snuggling. Although I admit I was sort of in a hurry for them to get through those milestones like sitting independently, holding their own bottle, even crawling, now I'm wanting to slow time down and really enjoy and connect with my babies while they're still babies. In the last month, Blake's chunky brick build has thinned out. His hair has gotten long enough that I'm ready to give him his first haircut, he's learned to stand independently, cruise around, clap his hands, and shake his head no. He took 2 steps yesterday. Today he climbed onto a ride on toy and stood on it, holding the baby gate while he shrieked at me as I turned over the laundry. He also climbed on top the roll-a-round jungle toy, standing there on the tree part reaching for the remote that was pushed back on the couch cushion. He's definitely growing up, and I'm feeling a little like I missed something. Tonight, I just snuggled him as long as I could, trying to burn into my memory what it feels like to carry his weight, his small frame, the smell of baby shampoo, his feathery hair tickling my cheek, his warmth. I know it will seem like I lay that little baby in his crib tonight and tomorrow he'll wake up and be four like his brother. And then...well, I don't even want to think about Blake, Owen, or Sadie getting any older than four. There are days like today when I want to get away from the crying, the poop, the constant mess, the incessant wrestling. But then there are nights like tonight when I don't ever want it to leave.